I never imagined myself becoming so obsessed with her. I never thought I would rush to see her, long to see her in the way that I did. Yet there I was, following her every movement with intent and intensity as if she suddenly disappear from sight if I were to take my eyes off of her. I watched her out of fear and also out of disbelief. I couldn't believe I had the privilege of gazing at such radiant beauty. In hindsight, it was foolish of me not to consider that her beauty shone for everyone - I wasn't special in receiving her warmth nor in recognizing it.
I felt as though she was humoring me. Seeing that I was hooked on her, she let me follow in her wake - slightly amused at my awestruck face, she perhaps shone a little more brightly because she somewhat enjoyed the reverence. I was wary of my inability to hide my feelings towards her. I tried my best to be respectful and to admire from afar. However, the greater the distance I created, the more tempting her light became.
She had started changing then, drifting away even, but I hadn't quite noticed nor found any reason to worry. I was enthralled by and with her. Watching her was like watching a dancer. Her reach was so graceful and self-assured. My obsession with her had inhibited my awareness. By the time I started to see the darkness creep in across her face, it was too late to mentally prepare myself. It became so suddenly inevitable that I would lose her, but being so smitten and lustful my subconscious could only summon denial.